fire this advertising company

I’ve seen this billboard a few times in the last few weeks and figured I’d take a picture of it:

You Rectum, We Fix 'Em

Not sure what they were thinking.  Memorable? Yes.  Witty? No.

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playing in poop

The last month or so around our house hasn’t been the greatest. Debi came down with an ear infection. Toren likely had one at the same time, but we didn’t realize it right away. Eventually they were both on antibiotics and each of them tried multiple antibiotics before they found anything that seemed to work. Of course, the antibiotics aren’t particularly friendly on the digestive tract. Both Debi and Toren had side effects, primarily diarrhea (yeah, I know, not ideal blog talk). The illnesses coincided with the passing of Debi’s great aunt and finals (more on the funeral soon).

This leads me to my story… Last Wednesday (the 5th) I stayed home with Toren most of the day as he couldn’t go to daycare. This whole time he was having explosive diarrhea, requiring diaper changes pretty much every hour. I put him down for a nap, and when he woke up, I put him on my lap.  He usually takes a few minutes to really wake up and want to do something, so I figured he could just cuddle with me while he really woke up. After a few minutes I noticed a smell and realized he had pooped again. It was powerful enough that it leaked out and onto my shorts. If parenthood teaches you anything, it’s to not freak out around feces (hooray for parenthood!). I wasn’t particularly worried about his diaper or the feces on my shorts, but he needed to be changed. So I took him to the changing table, set him down, and began changing him. Lately, Toren hasn’t wanted to sit still on the changing table. Instead, he immediately turns onto his stomach, then pulls himself up to look out the window by the changing table. Sometimes it’s not worth fighting him while he does this as he really freaks out. So, after getting the poopy diaper off and wiping him clean, I let him stand up. I was just about ready to put the clean diaper on when… Woosh!  Out comes a fresh batch of diarrhea, right onto the changing table.  It was green, gooey, and all in a big puddle.  Leave it to an 11-month old inquisitive child to look down at this point, see something that he doesn’t typically see on the changing table, and think it might be fun to play in it.  So, what does he do?  Before I could start wiping it up, he started stomping in his puddle of diarrhea!  Yep, stomping in diarrhea.  If you had asked me a year ago if I was ever going to write that sentence on my blog, I would have reconsidered the whole kid thing…

Anyway, the stomping is just the start.  Our changing table has, of course, a slick, wipeable surface, for obvious reasons.  Once Toren’s feet were coated in the diarrhea, he couldn’t stand up… Woosh!  He slipped into the diarrhea as his feet slipped from underneath him, coating his front side in his diarrhea.  Mind you, it’s not like I’m a passive observer during this – I’m trying my best to sop up the diarrhea with clean diapers and wipes, but Toren was moving so fast that I couldn’t get to it all before he had covered himself, chest to toe, in his own diarrhea.  At this point, I picked him up, let him stop dripping for a second, and carried him into the bathroom.  I promptly deposited him into the sink, turned on the water, and gave him an impromptu bath.  It took another 30 minutes or so to get him rediapered and the diarrhea cleaned up.  It was, um, well, everywhere.  And for the sake of anyone planning on visiting, I did a really good job cleaning it up, so you don’t have to worry about it being around when you get here.  But it was everywhere.

Oh, and it’s only in the last day or so that Debi has finally started to feel better.  After her multiple rounds with antibiotics, she ended up wiping out all of her intestinal flora, leaving her vulnerable to atypical bacteria, like clostridium dificile.  We think she ended up with a c. dificile infection, which is really, really nasty (what that means, symptoms wise, you really, really don’t want to know).  Suffice it to say, she seems to be on the mend, though she has lost a lot of weight over the last month and it will probably take her months to fully recover.  But we’re doing better now and everyone seems to be getting better, even if we’re not all perfectly healthy.

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Toren, 10 months and comfortable with his sexuality

Almost all of Toren’s clothes are either gifts from family or borrowed from a colleague from UT who has very graciously lent us tons of clothes for Toren to wear since he was born (she has two boys and another child on the way).  Among the clothes she lent us was a striped shirt with very bright colors and orange pants.  Someone else gave us toddler shoes that have orange lions on them.  Put those together with my very strange sense of humor and taste… Et voila – Toren the metrosexual:

Why do girls get to wear all the pretty colors?!?

It’s not the best picture, but you get the point.  Debi said the workers at his daycare were a bit taken aback by this outfit!  Personally, I call this the “lady killer” outfit.

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Toren as Zombie

I saw that my brother Josh had zombified himself on Facebook.  I thought it was funny, so I zombified Toren:

BRAINS!!!

FYI, Debi’s not a fan.  But I think it’s pretty good.  He looks terrifying!

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falling asleep on the job

This is probably one of the funniest/cutest videos we’ve shot. Debi was carrying Toren around in the bjorn while she was working around the house. Toren loves this, but apparently it was too much for him this day – he crashed, in the bjorn, on the camera:

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survey fail

I received this fun little piece of mail the other day:

survey fail

If you click on it you’ll see that it says, “Dear Toren Cragun; WE VALUE YOUR OPINION.” It then proceeds to ask him to fill out a survey evaluating his recent doctor’s visit.

I considered being a bit snarky and sending back the survey with Toren’s hand and foot prints all over it.

How would you respond to a survey sent to your 2 month old child?

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never underestimate the power of the human libido

Amelie

As I was walking into my building today, a recurring thought hit me, one that was spurred by the opening scenes to the movie Amelie a few years back: Just how many people are having sex around the world at any given point in time?  Yeah, so, I’m weird, big deal!

This didn’t occur out of the blue – I’m teaching a class on the sociology of human sexuality right now and will be talking about frequency of sexual intercourse next week.  As I was preparing my lecture notes for that discussion, it must have triggered this thought again deep in the recesses of my bizarre mind and, for some reason, it surfaced as I was walking into the building.  With about 3 or 4 minutes to think about it before I got to my office, I realized that I might just be able to actually calculate that number.  So, I sat down with my trusty spreadsheet program (OpenOffice, of course), a few reference books, and web access, and tried to come up with some numbers.

First off, thanks to Tom Smith (2003), we have decent data on the frequency of sexual intercourse of people of different ages in the US:

age coital acts per week (US)
0-9 0
10-17 0.5
18-29 2.1
30-39 1.7
40-49 1.4
50-59 1
60-69 0.6
70+ 0.3

Now, just so it’s clear up front, he only actually gives numbers for people over 18.  So, I estimated that people between 10-17 would average .5 acts per week (mostly thanks to those above 15) and assumed those below 9 would have 0.  I needed those numbers to make my estimates more accurate.

Using US Census Bureau data, I looked up a world population pyramid to get a sense of how many people fall into these age ranges.  Here’s a rough estimate that is close to accurate:

age world population in 2002 (in millions)
0-9 1,240
10-17 1,216
18-29 1,060
30-39 920
40-49 740
50-59 520
60-69 340
70+ 180
Total 6,216

I only needed one more bit of information to make the calculations: the average length of sex.  I found various estimates online, ranging from 2 minutes to 25 or so.  I went with what I thought would be a good average, around 10 minutes.

Using all of the above information, you can actually calculate the number of coital acts per week and per day:

age number of coital acts per week number of coital acts per day
0-9 0 0
10-17 608,000,000 86,857,143
18-29 2,226,000,000 318,000,000
30-39 1,564,000,000 223,428,571
40-49 1,036,000,000 148,000,000
50-59 520,000,000 74,285,714
60-69 204,000,000 29,142,857
70+ 54,000,000 7,714,286
Total 6,212,000,000 887,428,571

Combining this with the average length of sex, you can then make an estimate of the number of coital acts at any given minute if you divide the number of coital acts per day by 144 (24 x 6; you would multiply by 60 for every minute, but considering each act of sex lasts 10 minutes on average, you need to account for overlap, so you only divide by an additional 6).  This means, the answer to my question is:

age number of coital acts any given minute (assuming average length is 10 minutes, which means there is overlap)
0-9 0
10-17 603,175
18-29 2,208,333
30-39 1,551,587
40-49 1,027,778
50-59 515,873
60-69 202,381
70+ 53,571
Total 6,162,698

About 6 million people are having sex right now!  (I’ll let you provide your own mental images!)

Now, I did these calculations pretty quickly, so it’s certainly possible that my math is off somewhere.  And keep in mind that this is just an estimate, but I’m thinking it’s pretty close to accurate. There is also the problem that the frequency of intercourse numbers are for the US, which means they could be way off for the rest of the world, though I’d guess they are probably close to about average for the world (higher in some countries, lower in others).

The beauty of having these numbers is that you can now calculate how many people are having sex in given regions by turning them into rates:

  • for every 1,000 people in a given region, there will be, on average, 999.36 coital acts per week (thank the 18 to 49 year-olds for doing more than their part)
  • for every 1,000 people in a given region, there will be, on average, 142.77 coital acts per day
  • and for every 1,000 people in a given region, there will be, on average, .99 people having sex at any given minute of the day (I image it’s kind of odd being that .99 of a person)

So, just for fun, here are some numbers for places I’ve lived:

  • right now, in Morgan County, UT, where I grew up, there are 7.8 people having sex (pop. 7,906)
  • here in Tampa, FL there are 382 people having sex right now (pop. 382,060)
  • in Costa Rica there are  4,133 people having sex right now (pop. 4,133,884)

How many people are having sex where you live?

References:

Smith, Tom. (2003). American sexual behavior: Trends, socio-demographic differences, and risk behavior. University of Chicago, National Opinion Research Center, GSS Topical Report No. 25.

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my ears! my ears!

I caught this article in the NYTimes this morning talking about a new software product by Microsoft – Songsmith.  Basically, the software allows you to sing in vocals.  It then generates the music to accompany your vocals based on preferences you set (e.g., lighter or darker mood, rhythm, beat, etc.).  The original advertisement video by the coders who put it together is a bit sad.  But Songsmith has such potential for humor.  How?  Take classic songs, strip out the music and add the vocals to Songsmith.  Then let it work its magic.  I watched two of them this morning and was rolling with laughter.

  • Roxanne by The Police accompanied by Songsmith
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles accompanied by Songsmith

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