apocryphal or not, these are funny…

I received an email today with the following introduction and stories. They may not be real, who knows… But they’re still funny:

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? You’re not alone…

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, “No.” I kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.” Then I said, “Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?” “No,” he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, “Danny, did you have an accident?” This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. “SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!” While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked: “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced “Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we’re taking off!”. No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and so were half of the passengers.

cool piece of news

Anyone familiar with the Cragun family of Mt. Green, UT who has also visited the Cragun home is probably familiar with foosball or table soccer. You’re also probably familiar with the passion most of the Cragun’s had toward the game – many a night was spent hunched over that table, cursing at friends (in a non curse word sort of way). Well, much to my delight, I found out there is an actual foosball league this morning in reading the New York Times. The World Championships were in Italy this past weekend. If only I had the time….

On other fronts – GO VOTE!

Tribute to Utah video

If you haven’t seen it yet, you may want to check it out. It’s a very funny parody of the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” using Utah city names: .

(Thanks to Mike Nielsen for the link.)

no holds barred political cartoon

Caught wind of this in the NYTimes today – it’s an uncensored political cartoon called Lil’ Bush that debuts on Amp’d Mobile. Wow! Hilarious, but dead on and definitely uncensored. Must view for anyone critical of the Bush Administration (basically 99% of the world’s population these days).

what if…?

I saw this on a bumper sticker in Utah:

What if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?

I’ll be posting a rundown of our recent trip to Utah some time in the next couple of days.

Any Star Trek fans out there?

I saw a link to this website on Slashdot this morning.  I got a good laugh out of it.  But I have to admit I’m not a big enough trekkie to actually have understood all of the posters… Oh well.

something other than a book review ;)

Debi’s brother-in-law, Brent, is a pilot for SkyWest Airlines. He called me up Monday to tell me about an incident he had on one of his flights. He had just finished his pre-flight check on a flight to Butte, Montana and was waiting for the passengers to board when he noticed an elderly man being wheeled out to his plane in a wheelchair. As the wheelchair got to the stairs, the man jumped out of the chair in a rather spry manner. Brent thought that was weird, but didn’t think too much of it. Then the man unzipped his carry-on bag and let out a dog. Having never witnessed such a thing, I thought that was weird, but Brent said that is also fairly common. Then the man put the dog on a leash and walked out of his view. I’m no expert on flight regulations and such, but from what Brent said and how he responded, I’m pretty certain that pilots don’t take too kindly to having passengers walk around their plane just before takeoff. Jumping out of his seat, he headed down the stairs to see what was going on. When he got down to the ground, he looked under the plane and saw the man holding the dog’s leash while it pissed on his front tire. Seriously, the dog was relieving itself on his plane’s front tire! Brent wasn’t very hip on that, either, so he told the guy, “You’re dog shouldn’t be peeing on my tire.” The guy responded, “He’s just relieving himself; he’ll be done in a minute.” Brent insisted, “No, really, I don’t want your dog peeing on my plane.” The guy finally jerked the leash and the dog stopped peeing on the tire. Eventually the guy finished walking his dog and headed back to the stairs to board the plane, all under Brent’s watchful eye.

When Brent got back on board the plane, he was informed that he had just mixed words with a rather famous individual. Remember, the flight was going to Butte, Montana. Guess who lives there? Evil Knievel. Yep, Brent had just told off Evil Knievel.

In other news, I received this email the other day with the header “This will make you feel very big.” Here’s what it included:

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It made me think of Monty Python’s Galaxy Song.